Few people knew her as she never fetched the spotlight. Yet even those who never spoke to her respected her. She was considered as a reserved person as she practised the principle ‘Habib kulhadd, habib hadd’. She continued to practice this principle even during the last two years when she lived in an old-people’s home. She was friendly with all, yet she was very reserved. The only long conversations she held were with her room mate, Michaelina. When she was alone, she will either say her prayers or put her glasses on and read Maltese literature, minding only her business.
When we used to visit her, she would only ask if the rest of our families were fine. Then she will just listen to our conversation, only answering when a question was directly put to her. Yet, if there was something which she felt that she needs to tell you, she will put it in simple words. She will tell you her opinion, but she never imposed on us. I believe that the following words which were written to me by Hans, Annabelle’s (my niece) husband described her:
Ghandek ommok tal-ghageb. Fehmet u ghexet xi valuri fondi u semplici tal-hajja. Mindu kont nafha, jiena ukoll stimajtha wisq.
Kellha relazzjoni pjuttost intimu mat-tfal taghha, imma halliethom helsin. Ma indahlietx hafna fil-hajja taghhom.
M'ghamlitx xejn speciali biex in-nies jiftakru minnha. Imma xorta thalli impressioni qawwija.
I left Hans’ words as they were written – a Belgian’s view. But I share his description. While we were young she was tough manager though she would try to fit our tastes in her tight schedule. One thing she wouldn’t compromise was our studies. She was tough but patient. Uncompromising but helpful.
I can say that I owe all I know to her. She always followed my studies. Even when I started my university studies, then married, she persistently asked me how I was doing in my studies. Small things that showed her support.
Yet, when we grew up, she never pestered us. We were free to determine our destiny. Guiding and supporting us yet leaving us free. This included our beliefs. She was a devout Catholic yet she never interfered in our beliefs. She would say her opinion but she left it to us to decide. When we disagreed, and I very often disagreed with her beliefs, she was sympathetic and never held it against me. Even when she was mortally ill.
When young she was energetic with a full time-table. If we learned anything from her it was time management. Even summer was a full schedule. At 08.00 we wake up and by 10.00 sharp we must be ready to go swimming. By that time she would have finished her chores including lunch. At 12 noon, we’re back home. We have lunch and then will we have two hours rest. At 17.00 sharp we proceed to
This was a tight schedule for her especially since we were three children practically of the same age. But she managed with a certain calmness. She was always sure of herself and determined. The fact that my sister, brother and myself are never daunted by any task is all due to her.
But there were two things that always marvelled me during her last years. The fact that when her legs started to falter and she because slowly but surely homebound, she accepted her faith and adapted to her new life. It was unfortunate that she, during that time, could not accept the wheelchair. This made her completely homebound. However, she never complained just as she never complained whenever she was hospitalized even though she could never accept either the hospital environment nor the food.
The second thing that surprised me was that finally she accepted to stay in an old-people’s home. I believe that she accepted it simply because she realised that in spite of his efforts, my father could not cope with her day to day needs.
The above are some of the memories that I will preserve as they remind me of the solid person my mother was till her death.
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